That was a one moment when, for the first time, she has realized how much hatred is inside her and if she doesn't do anything, it will take a control of her, she made a decision she will be different.
When she was a little girl the clock's alarm had been ringing every morning at 6:20. And her mother, sleeping next to her, was waking up and heading to kitchen to prepare the breakfast. She heard faint sounds and noises her mother was making, somewhere far away but very close to her.
That was a day mother was sitting in a dark room when a girl returned from school. Mother was holding in her hands yellow Winnie-the-Pooh's diary-notebook she gave her on her birthday knowing how much her daughter likes to write. She opened it. There were three words:
"A Bad Day"
She turned a page. A Bad Day. Next page. A Bad Day. A Bad day. A BAD DAY. Again and again. Under the each date of weeks and months. It was obvious that a girl hadn't been writing anything for a long time and that she filled one day the empty pages with that, the same sentence.
A girl didn't want to look at mother's eyes.
That was a time she had been suffering from discrimination at school. Every single day was like a downfall, a collapse deeper and deeper into the darkness of hell. That was a time she was full of miserable hatred for people who are hurting her, for world, for herself and for God who created her.
But a girl had been keeping it as a secret in front of her mother. She didn't want to make her sad.
The Hatred is like a poison injected into a ones heart. And one small sore motion can make it spread all over our body taking control of us.
The Hatred takes away faith, hope and love. It makes you cold, heartless and incapable to feel the happiness.
It makes you feel like you are a bad person and like you are able to harm people without any mercy for them.
Yes, she wanted to see her torturers dying in a infernal pain. She wanted to see them begging for help. Dissappering into the throat of the fire. Only then they could feel what they have done to her.
She thought her mother saw it. Saw how the poison spread all over her soul and made her a beast.
But mother didn't ask about anything. She said:
"I believe you grow up to be a very good person."
And a girl understood.
If you hate it is your loss.
Because even if there are people who hate you and wish you worst things - you do not have to hate them.
Because even if there are people who are saying false things about you - you do not have to respond to it and try to argue with them.
Because hatred is not an answer.
She understood some day she will have a power to stand up for others like her, suffering from violence and discrimination.
And she heard a voice in her heart saying
Do not hate
You are a God's creation
~Pola Chérie Be different~